New developments and directions abound for me in my life as a husband, father and filmmaker. I should add one more thing to that list, possible rabbinic student. As many of you know I have been considering the rabbinate since before most of you met me. At least since I was a young kid wanting to be in touch with a deeper meaning within my soul.

I feel privileged to tell you now that I have broken through those invisible walls that keep stopping me from applying. Although I guess you could say that I have had a self imposed "glass ceiling" installed above my head. Every time I start on a journey to the rabbinate, I end up right back where I started rubbing my aching head.

To give some background, I started my official inquiries in 2007 after graduation from New College of California, yes that one, it imploded a year later and the now defunct college is still a punchline. There was a lot going on in my world when I contacted the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College (RRC) about their programs. I got the packet and felt very lukewarm about what I saw. Then on to Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion, or (HUC), which was the form of Judaism that I was used to and had grown into at my Reform Shul. 

Try as I might, I couldn't really convince Shelli to pick up and move to LA with me, NY she would have done, because she had family living there, but not Cincinnati either. I spoke to Reuben Zellman, a recently admitted trans rabbinic student, and was told that the year in Israel would be difficult as well with a partner. Mostly because of the visitors visa issue. That and Shelli really did not want to move anywhere far from our Shul.

I finally decided to work with what I had and I applied to a Jewish Studies MA program (distance) through Hebrew College in Newton Mass (a suburb of Boston). A fourth tier grad school education, right after an education for a "Just, Sacred & Sustainable World" makes for great dinner conversation. My fellow students are all second career professionals with degrees coming out of their ears, so for them the school is a nice pace.

For me, it feels like I am standing still, stuck in the mud if you will. At a time in my life when I should be settling into a career, I am just exploring one.  Though exploration is something I am very familiar with, I read the menu at my favorite restaurants every time I sit down. Shelli often complains that I will plan things to death. What can I say, it stops me from bad mistakes in life and keeps me honest.

Recently there have been a smattering of trans-movement yeshiva style rabbinic schools popping up and onto my radar. Upon reflection, I realized that there were opportunities to study that would allow me to take the next steps, without having to uproot my little family. Especially now, with Shelli expecting another little bundle or joy. If I want to make becoming a rabbi a part of my here and now, then I need to take concrete steps and not self sabotage.

That brings us to the wild world of the ALEPH Rabbinic Program. "A non-denominational, highly decentralized program of learning which offers structured guidance and mentorship in pursuing the rigorous studies and practica which can culminate in rabbinic ordination." This program has been offered up as a panacea at times, by advisors or professors who didn't think I was cut out for the rabbinate, whether because of my trans nature or my over scheduled life.

Lately I started actually considering adding the program to my accredited Masters program from Hebrew College. And this past week I talked to the admissions person at ALEPH and asked about getting a packet. I am not quite to where I left off at HUC, but if I can get past that, I think I could ride that victory over self defeat all the way to ordination. Not that I am saying it will be easy, because HaShem knows, I am a difficult character to work with :)